


Breathe again

by AnaIsFangirling (Ana_K_Lee)



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: A lot of people will not die, Almost everyone is nice with Thomas, Do-Over, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Happy Thomas Barrow, I'm basically writing this for myself, M/M, Nice Thomas Barrow, Redeemed Thomas Barrow, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, for like half a second - Freeform, mention of suicide, there will be drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:01:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26549416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ana_K_Lee/pseuds/AnaIsFangirling
Summary: Thomas Barrow died in a bathtub in 1925, only to wake up back in 1910 on his way to Downton Abbey. Whether this was his personal hell or a second chance did not matter. He made the decision to live through it all over again. This time though, he would do everything in his power to be happy at last.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 174





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello there!
> 
> I couldn't stop thinking about a happy feel good time travel do-over fic for Thomas. I know the Time Travel thing has been done before, but I wanted to give it a shot, so here it is!
> 
> This story is not finished and will be updated... whenever I get the time to write. Hopefully at least once every two weeks, but I guess we'll see...
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the prologue!

**Prologue**

Thomas knew everything had been his fault. From the moment he had arrived at Downton in 1910, he had made enemies instead of friends, impulsive decisions instead of wise choices… but this was not an impulsive decision, he thought as the razer bit into the skin of his right wrist. He had been thinking about it for months, his choice made more certain with every stare, every snide remark and every pitying look thrown his way.

He watched as his blood mixed with the water in the bathtub, a genuine smile gracing his lips for the first time in years. There was no place for him in this world, maybe the next one would be kinder.

  
  


Thomas was woken abruptly by the whistling of a train. He nearly fell forward but managed to catch himself at the last minute, both his hands clutching the wooden seat underneath him. He looked around in panic, his heart thudding in his chest.

He was on a train. Alone, thankfully, in a familiar third class cabin. The world outside was dark. Thomas tried to make sense of his surroundings, yet he could not understand how he had gotten there. The last thing he could remember was falling asleep in cold water, his limbs heavy from the blood loss. He lifted his arms, letting the sleeves of his brown suit slide down, and stared at his wrists. His skin was unblemished, and it was not just his wrists... the scars on his left hand were gone to. He couldn’t even find the small scar on his right hand, the one he had gotten in 1913 while picking up the broken pieces of a wine glass he had dropped by accident.

Curious, he tried to find his other scars. Most of them were gone, he noticed, but some of his oldest ones were still there. He could feel the raised skin behind his right ear, from that time his father had pushed him towards his workbench, Thomas' head had met with a sharp tool and he had bled all over the place. Lifting his left pant leg, he found the round shaped scar he had gotten falling from a tree as a lad.

Thomas’s breathing was calmer now. He still couldn’t make sense of what had happened or why he was here, in this train, but his curiosity had taken over. 

Before he could continue to investigate his surroundings, the train whistled again and started to stop. Thomas looked outside and gasped as he recognized the station coming into view. He was at Downton Station.

Quickly, Thomas jumped out of his seat and stared out the window, waiting for the train to stop. For some reason, he felt as if he was forgetting something. Casting a quick look around the cabin, he finally noticed a suitcase… his suitcase, the one he had arrived in Downton with 15 years ago. 

Thomas paused for a moment, his mind starting to piece things together: his unblemished skin, the brown suit he was wearing, which had been a parting gift from his mother, the suitcase… He was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts when the train finally stopped and he heard a door being opened. He grabbed the suitcase and slammed the door open, jumping out of the cabin without a second thought.

The first person he saw was a porter, a short portly man who stared at him with scorn. Thomas was about to greet him, but the man opened his mouth first.

“What d’you think you’re doing lad?! You could’ve hurt yerself jumping out like tha’!”

‘Lad’... No one had called him a lad since before the war.

“I’m sorry, sir. I…” Thomas started to say until he realized something else: his voice. He sounded young. Younger than he could remember being.

“You alright lad?” The porter asked, squinting his eyes.

“Yes, I’m fine, thank you, I… Do you know where I could find today’s paper?”

“Sure! They’re unloading it right now. Wait here a minute.” The man said, walking towards the end of the train. He came back a minute later with the paper in his hands and gave it to Thomas.

“Here you are lad! Fresh news, that is!”

“Thank you sir.” Thomas said distractedly as he read the date. ‘Monday, May 9th, 1910’. That was not possible. He remembered that date. He had seen it many times, in a letter signed by Mr. Carson. Thomas had kept that letter in his pocket every day of his last two weeks as a hall boy in Lord and Lady Chudwell’s house in London, waiting impatiently for his first day as a junior footman in a big house. Without thinking, Thomas searched his pockets and took out the letter. 

‘Mr. Barrow,

Following Mr. Goodwil’s recommendation, you have been accepted for the position of junior footman at Downton Abbey on a trial basis. I will be expecting you on the 9th of May…’

Ever since he had woken up in that train, Thomas had felt as if he had been a spirit, visiting a strange world. Suddenly, the world righted itself and he understood. He still wasn’t sure if this was his afterlife or a miracle, but it didn’t matter. Thomas Barrow was 17 years old again, it was the 9th of May 1910 and he was expected at the Abbey for his first day as a junior footman.

He had a chance to start over again and he was not going to waste it.


	2. Chapter 01

**Chapter 01**

Mrs Hughes looked around the table of the servant’s hall with tired eyes. The hall boys were chatting away in the back. The maids were quietly eating their porridge. Mr Watson, Lord Grantham’s valet, was talking energetically to Eugene, the first footman, who looked as if he was ready to fall right back asleep. The second footman, Henry, was not here yet, which Miss O’brien eagerly remarked on with a smirk. Mr Carson checked his watch, his eyes moving from the stairs to the empty seat.

“What on earth is he doing?” Mr Carson grumbled. “Lester. Go find Henry and remind him that, should he wish to remain at Downton, he should consider punctuality as an obligation and not a recommendation.” He told one of the hall boys who quickly left the room to find the missing footman.

“Honestly Mr Carson,” Mrs Hughes said in a calm voice, “Henry was up into the wee hours last night to polish the silver for tonight's dinner. Surely you can’t blame him for being a little late.”

“If Henry had not wasted time chatting in the halls with the maids in the afternoon, he would not have had to stay up late to finish his duties.”

“I don’t see why he couldn’t have finished it this morning.”

“There will be no time for it this morning. What with the hunt and the luncheon…” Mr Carson insisted. 

“Well we all need to rest from time to time…” Mrs Hughes mumbled, knowing full well that Mr Carson would not change his mind on the subject.

“What we need is more footman. Hopefully, the new junior footman will prove up to the task.”

“Is he arriving today?”

“He’d better be. I took a chance hiring him without a formal interview but he was highly recommended by a friend of mine, Mr Goodwill, who is Lord Chudwell’s Butler.”

“He’s never been a footman though…” Eugene sneered. “Just a hall boy.”

“And weren’t you a hall boy before you became a footman Eugene?” Mrs Hughes scolded him. 

Eugene Griffith was a troublemaker if ever she saw one. She could understand why, though she knew full well that his troubles were of his own making. Eugene had been at Downton for 10 years, and while he had been granted the rank of first footman not long after he had started, his situation had not changed since. He was now 35, which many thought rather old for a footman, including Eugene himself. Sadly, he had never managed to acquire the skills to become a valet and his inquiries for a position as butler had never borne fruit. Now, he was a bitter man who believed he was overqualified and therefore no longer had to prove himself. This led to many overlooked tasks and rushed jobs which he would then blame on Henry.

“I suppose I will be the one who will have to show the new bloke the ropes then?” Eugene grumbled, ignoring her remark.

“No, Eugene, you will be far too busy for such a task.” Mr Carson answered sardonically. “Thomas will shadow Henry for a day and I will show him his duties myself. I-”

The conversation was abruptly interrupted by a thundering sound coming from the stairs. Henry came rushing in the servant’s hall, his hair and livery disheveled.

“I’m so sorry Mr Carson, I-”

“You will make yourself presentable this instant and pray that I do not find any other reason to dismiss you today.” Mr Carson boomed.

“Yes Mr Carson.” Henry said, his head bowed as he checked his livery. He was spared further embarrassment as everyone's attention was caught by the sound of a bell.

  
\-------------------------------------

Thomas looked down at himself for a third time. His suit was still worse for wear and a bit too short on the legs but it was the best he had. At least this time around he had not gotten lost on his way to Downton. The first time around, he had arrived during the upstairs luncheon, tired, sweating and with dirt on his disheveled suit after walking for hours around the village, even going as far as getting lost in the forest at one point. Mr Carson had not been impressed and no mistake.

The door opened to Eugene Griffith, whom Thomas had not seen for almost 14 years. He was just like Thomas remembered, although this time, instead of sneering at Thomas, Eugene stared at him with annoyance. 

“What do you want?” 

“I’m Thomas Barrow. The new footman.”

“You’re early.” Eugene said unpleasantly as he turned to leave.

Thomas grabbed his suitcase and followed him, making sure to close the door behind himself. Soon enough, he found himself in the servant’s hall, the eyes of every servant fixed on him.

“Hello.” He said timidly. “I’m Thomas Barrow… The new footman. I’m sorry to have disturbed your breakfast, I wasn’t sure at what time you were expecting me so I took the milk train.”

“That is no trouble at all Thomas. It’s good to see that _some_ people are eager to work enough to be on time.” Carson said, glaring at Henry who was still trying to fix his appearance. “I am Mr Carson, the butler and this is Mrs Hughes, the head housekeeper.”

“How do you do?” Thomas greeted Mrs Hughes with a discreet smile. It was strange to see all those people again. Some who he had not seen in years, like poor Henry, who had been dismissed just a few weeks after Thomas had arrived, and some who he had just seen a few hours ago and yet now looked 15 years younger.

“Have you had breakfast yet, Thomas?” Mrs Hughes asked kindly. 

“I had a bite on the train.” Thomas lied.

“Still, you may take Henry’s place since he will not have time for breakfast this morning.” Carson said. Everyone looked at Henry who bowed his head in shame. “Henry. Get back upstairs and come down when you are ready to start your duties.” 

Henry left the room after whispering a quick “Yes, Mr Carson.” Thomas sat down next to Anna who introduced herself and offered him some porridge. Throughout the rest of the meal, Thomas was bombarded with questions which he tried to answer as politely as possible. He found it hard at first, especially when O’brien and Eugene had started to gang up on him, hoping to discover something they could use against him, he figured. When the bells finally started to ring behind Mr Carson, Thomas felt like he had managed to make a good impression. At least he hoped he had. Mr Carson rose and everyone else started to leave to start their morning duties.

“Lester. Show Thomas where we keep the liveries and then take him to his room.” Mr Carson ordered.

Thomas rose, secretly putting an apple in his pocket at the same time. He followed the hall boy, took two of the spare liveries and then they climbed upstairs. Just like before, Thomas was sharing a room with Henry, whom he found sitting on one of the beds, his eyes red and puffy. Thomas dismissed the hall boy and carefully put away the liveries. He then took the apple out of his pocket and presented it to Henry. The other footman hesitated before he took the fruit.

“Thank you.” Henry whispered.

“Now hurry up, before Mr Carson realizes you're not downstairs.” Thomas said gently.

Henry devoured the apple with just a few bites, checked himself in the mirror and left without a word. Meanwhile, Thomas started to unpack, rediscovering the belongings he had started with at Downton. There wasn’t much. A few pictures of his family, some letters from friends he had lost touch with long ago, his toiletries and his clothes, much of which were old and in need of repair. He also found a sewing kit, the same one he still had had when he had died. It was brand new; a parting gift from Mr Wilkins, Lord Chudwell’s valet and Thomas’ first lover.

Thomas hadn’t thought of him in years. It was strange to think that yesterday, Peter had given him a parting kiss, asking him to write. That had been 15 years ago for Thomas. He had never written, in the end. Thomas had not been in love with the valet and had believed that he could do much better; and indeed, barely a year later he had met Phillip. Now he remembered fondly the 23-year-old valet, who was not what anyone would call handsome but who had been charming and gentle with Thomas. Maybe he should write to him this time, even if only to have a like-minded friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't forget to comment!
> 
> Should the mysterious valet be Thomas' love interest? Or a friend? Or Soul mate?


	3. Chapter 02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter not beta'd, sorry ^^'

**Chapter 2**

_ ‘Dear Peter, _

_ It has only been a week since I have arrived at my new post, yet I somehow feel as if I have been here for years. The butler here is just as Mr Goodwill promised; stern but fair. He introduced me to my duties himself and seems pleased with my performance so far. Most of the other servants have been kind to me, although one of the footmen and her Ladyship’s maid have tried a few times to make trouble for me and the other footman. I don’t know why, but I suspect Eugene, the footman, is jealous of me. _

_ I used what you have taught me to alter my liveries. Mr Carson was pleased and Anna, the head housemaid, said that if I keep up my skills, I could be a valet one day. Eugene overheard her and tried to sabotage my first time serving dinner upstairs. I’m glad to say that he failed, and Mr Carson gave him a good smacking in front of everyone downstairs. I dare say he won’t be trying anything else anytime soon. _

_ I don’t know if I’ll ever be a valet, but I don’t mind either way. I like my job well enough, and even if not everyone has been kind, I think I can make some friends here. _

_ Before you ask, I don’t think there is anyone like us here. Not that it matters anyway, I wouldn’t want to risk my position. _

_ I hope things are going well for you back in London. Have you been able to get that new suit you kept talking about? I’m sure you would look quite dashing in it. _

_ Your friend, _

_ T.’ _

As he read his letter once more, Thomas tried to convince himself that sending it was the right thing to do. He had been nervous about sending a reply since Peter's letter came in with the afternoon post two days ago. It hadn't been unexpected, after all, Thomas remembered receiving a few letters from Peter before he had given up trying to get an answer the last time around, but this time was different; he was different.

He had only been back for a week and already things were vastly different from what he remembered. Mr Carson was impressed with his work and Thomas had made sure to ask for 'help' a few times instead of trying to prove his superiority and making a fool of himself in the process. His positive attitude, if somewhat reserved, had made it easier for some of the servants to approach him and he was now in good terms with Anna, Mrs Hughes, Mr Watson and even Mrs Patmore, though she still had to slap his fingers with her wooden spoon regularly to stop him from taking a bite of pudding whenever he felt like it.

He had also started a tentative friendship with Henry, which could lead to the footman not getting fired since that had been Thomas' doing in the first place.

Sadly, not all changes were good. Eugene, who had previously ignored him before gradually warming up to him as Thomas had joined him in the 'too-bitter-for-this-world' club, was now targeting Thomas alongside Henry in his schemes, sending him snide remarks over the breakfast table and ordering him around whenever Mr Carson wasn't around. However, the remarks and taunts were not so bad; the worst part was that whenever Eugene opened his mouth, Thomas saw and heard himself as he used to be, a bitter man who prefered to see everyone as an enemy rather than risking getting hurt. He wished he could talk some sense into the man, but he was just a 17-year-old junior footman; nothing he said would make an impact. Especially against Sarah O'Brien, who had been whispering in Eugene's ear ever since Thomas had arrived.

Shaking himself out of his train of thoughts, Thomas put his letter in the envelope he had prepared, checked the address one last time, got out of his room and went down to the servants hall to put it in the post box.

It was still early in the morning but Mrs Patmore was already busy in the kitchen along with the kitchen maids. It was strange not seeing Daisy downstairs. Thomas had to remind himself once more that she would only arrive in 1912 when both kitchen maids would quit _ one to get married, the other to care for her dying mother_ only to be replaced by one very young scullery maid. 

“What are you doing up so early?” Mrs Patmore asked when she saw him lingering in the corridor. 

“I’m still used to waking up before everyone else, I figured I’d get an early start.” Thomas said. As a hallboy, he had had to wake up extra early to wake everyone else up and start the morning duties. It wasn’t why he had trouble sleeping, but he couldn’t very well tell her the truth; that he was afraid to wake up in 1925.

She told him to sit down and gave him a cup of tea before continuing her task of preparing breakfast for both downstairs and upstairs. He drank his tea, then he went upstairs in the breakfast room where he prepared the tables. Then he went from room to room, picking up anything that was out of place. Finally, he went back down to the servants hall and sat down. Not long after, the other servants started to arrive and a new day began.

\---------------------------

‘Something’s wrong’, Thomas thought as he served luncheon that day. It wasn’t a special luncheon. There were no guests, only Lord and Lady Gratham and the three young ladies. Yet, Thomas could feel that something was out of sorts. He kept his face emotionless and continued his way around the table behind Eugene. It was only the second time that Thomas acted as second footman and he wasn’t sure how he felt about taking Henry’s place. Maybe that was it.

When everyone was served, he placed the dish back and stood close to the wall. That’s when he saw Eugene on the other side of the room. He was smirking. ‘What had he done now?’ Thomas wondered.

“What are you three giggling about?” Lord Grantham asked his daughters who had been whispering among themselves since the beginning of the meal.

“Nothing Papa.” Lady Mary said innocently, straightening her back. Her efforts were rendered useless as both her sisters continued to laugh, their eyes betraying the subject of their conversation when both of them cast a look at Thomas.

Shit. 

The girls managed to stop their giggling after being chastised once more by Lady Grantham and the rest of the meal went by without any incidents, yet Thomas noticed Lord Grantham throwing worried looks his way a few times.

\---------------------------

That same evening, not long before the dinner gong, Mr Carson asked to see Thomas in his office. Thomas followed, noticing once more that Eugene was smirking his way. He felt his stomach drop and continued walking behind the Butler, feeling as if he was walking to the gallows.

“Now, I don’t want you to panic.” Mr Carson said after closing the door behind them. “But there has been talk downstairs about you.”

“What about me, Mr Carson?” Thomas tried to stay calm. There was no reason to panic yet, he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“About your… behavior towards the young ladies.” Mr Carson said, visibly uncomfortable with the subject.

“What?! But I… I’ve never even talked to them!” 

“Just as I thought.” Mr Carson sighed. “Now, I don’t believe a word of what has been said but his Lordship is understandably worried.”

“Could I talk to him? His Lordship, I mean.” Thomas asked hopefully. He had no idea what exactly had been said about him but he could guess who had spread the word. Eugene might have talked to Mr Carson but it was more likely that O’Brien had whispered in her ladyship’s ear about ‘that new footman’.

“Very well, I will ask him.” Mr Carson agreed, sighing once more. He truly seemed worried for Thomas, which should in turn worry him but instead Thomas couldn’t help but feel elated at the idea that Mr Carson actually cared.

\---------------------------

Lord Gratham was in the library, waiting for him. Thomas stood behind the door, thinking about what he could say. It was difficult to prepare his plea, since he had no idea what had been said. The idea that he could have been improper with the young ladies was so laughable to him. He had been so used to everyone knowing his secret, how could they have believed such a lie? But of course, they didn’t know anymore and he could be sacked because of it. What a topsy turvy world he had found himself in.

He walked in and stood at attention in front of his employer, feeling for a moment as if he was back in the army.

“Thomas. I’m glad you’ve decided to talk to me. I have to say, I am shocked about what I have heard.”

“I’m sorry my Lord, but I don’t understand it. Mr Carson said that there has been talk about me and the young Ladies but I haven't talked to them my lord, I swear.”

“But why would anyone spread such rumors?”

“Well, maybe someone downstairs doesn’t like me… but honestly my Lord, I would never do anything to arm this family.”

“You have to understand that it can be delicate to have a young man such as you around my daughters. According to Lady Grantham,” Lord Grantham continued, his eyes refusing to settle near Thomas and his cheeks flushing. “You are a rather handsome young man and that can be… dangerous.”

“Your Lordship, I …” Thomas started, not sure how to proceed. What could he say to make his Lordship understand? What else is there to say? He checked the room and walked closer to Lord Grantham, shocking him slightly until Thomas whispered.

“ I am not… a ladie’s man, my lord.” Thomas finally said, his face burning in embarrassment and praying that he would not get sacked anyway for being a deviant.

Lord Grantham seemed perplexed for a moment and Thomas feared he would have to say it differently, until he finally understood.

“Oh… Well, that’s a relief.” Lord Grantham sighed with a small grin. His smile fell as soon as he registered the panicked look in Thomas’ eyes. “I think it would be best if we no longer broach that subject, don’t you think?”

“Yes, my Lord. Of course, My Lord.” Thomas agreed, his heart ready to burst out of his chest.

“You may return to your duties.”

“Thank you, my Lord.” Thomas said before he quickly turned around and left the room. He walked at a fast pace until he found himself in the courtyard. He had no idea why, since he no longer smoked. He took a few deep breaths until his heart no longer thumped in his ears. A few minutes later, he looked up, ready to get back inside, when he saw none other than Sarah O’brien staring at him with a smirk, the same one Eugene had been throwing his way all day. For a second, his old self resurfaced and he couldn’t stop his own smirk from gracing his lips. O’brien starred, her lips pursing in a straight line. Thomas turned his smirk into a smile as he turned his back to her. If she wanted a war, she’d get one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how I feel about this chapter. I can't wait for 1912, I think the original plot will help me move along.
> 
> Question: What should Thomas do during the war? I have an idea, but I'd love to hear yours!!
> 
> Please comment! I need them to brighten my days!


End file.
